SJenny
In yesterday’s post we talked about the decision to forgive.While that’s an all important part of forgiveness, the next one is the process of actually forgiving those around you. As much as we’d like to pretend that forgiveness is simply a decision we make, it’s not quite that easy. Forgiving is hard and as we established in yesterday’s post, it isn’t a feeling and it isn’t something that comes natural to us.
Instead, I like to think of Forgiveness as more of a habit. We make the decision to forgive and then we have to spend quite some time reminding ourselves daily of that decision until it becomes a habit, something automatic.
It’s not easy to let go of the anger and pain. When we first wake up in the morning, our instinctual reaction is to go back to those dark places. It takes a conscious effort to forgive over and over again until we’ve internalized it. In that sense, forgiveness is a process.
How long it will take you to completely forgive varies. It depends on what you have to forgive and how painful it was. It also depends on you and how long it takes you to form this new forgiving habit. Until you get to a point where you truly have moved on, it’s your job to remind yourself of this act of forgiveness.
Prayer and meditation are both great tools to help you along this journey of forgiveness. Keeping a journal is another (hence the journal promts) great way to support yourself during this process. And of course you shouldn’t discount talking to people. This could be a close friend, a family member, or even a therapist that helps you through your grieving process as well as the process of forgiveness. PLEASE get help and support if you need it to help you PROCESS your forgiveness – it will be a life changing freedom!
It’s not going to be easy, and often it isn’t going to be quick. That’s why it’s important that when you make the decision to forgive, you do so whole heartedly. This is going to take effort, but the good news is that it is well worth it.
You know your process has ended when you feel that weight lift of your shoulders. You know you’ve completed your journey towards forgiveness when you no longer harbor feelings of anger and pain towards the person who’s done you wrong. You’ll feel at peace and are well on your way to feeling happiness and joy again. In other words, there’s a very worthwhile reward at the end of this admittedly difficult process.
Note: If you do journal, read back over old entries and you will be surprised to read what you had written – a sure sign there is some evolution, growth and release taking place!
